Aptly described by Richard “I’m Better Than You At Life” Sherman, the “poopfest” that is Thursday Night NFL games kicked off with the Los Angeles Rams visiting Seattle to take on the Seahawks. 

The Rams, who just recently fired former head coach Jeff Fisher, have been on a tailspin as of late and came into Thursday on a four-game losing streak and fresh off of a 42-14 beatdown at the hands of the Atlanta Falcons.

With both teams under a meager three days of rest, it was an added bonus for the Seahawks to be at home during their Thursday game, and against the flailing Rams who did manage to snatch a victory from them during Week Two. Combine that with the aforementioned firing of Fisher and Jared Goff being a rookie quarterback with zero wins as a starter, and the Birds were at a definite advantage.

Head Coach Chris Petersen of the College Playoff-Bound Washington Huskies got the well-deserved honor of raising the 12th Man Flag, and Seattle rocked some interesting, super bright “Action Green” uniforms for their Color Rush week, while the Rams wore some all-white joints to foreshadow their white flag of surrender (spoiler alert!).

The first half began with punts on either side of the ball followed by a loss of down on Los Angeles, as they tested the Seattle defense on a 4th-and-1 and fell short, ruining an 11-play, 65-yard drive and coming up scoreless. Not many teams have been able to make that push for a yard on fourth down against the ‘Hawks this year (see Patriots, New England), and the Rams would not be an exception.

After Seattle gained possession, it was their turn to go on a long, draining drive. Russell Wilson found Tyler Lockett three times on the drive, including a 29-yard pickup on third and long. Facing a 4th-and-1, Seattle went for the first down and failed, but a penalty on Los Angeles gave them a new set of downs and allowed Russ to find Luke Willson for a TD.

On Los Angeles’ next drive, they had a three-and-out and lined up to punt. Johnny Hekker, the Rams’ punter (for a reason), took the snap, feigned a punt, and instead threw an attempt to Michael Thomas which fell spectacularly incomplete and gave Seattle the rock already in field goal position. After three plays which went nowhere, Steven Hauschka hit the FG, padding the Seattle lead to 10-0.

The Rams later went on a drive to get a field goal, and Seattle ran out the clock to end the half with a seven point lead.

After a couple punts to begin the second half, the Seahawks began their next drive with three straight completions to Doug Baldwin, Jimmy Graham, and Luke Willson. After some penalties and some carries from Thomas Rawls, Seattle ended up on the one-yard line when Russell Wilson tossed an easy touchdown to Baldwin, who did his Gary Payton impersonation and shattered the ankles of hapless cornerback Troy Hill for the easy score and a comfortable 17-3 lead.

Seattle got the ball back after another Rams punt and Wilson completed a 57-yard pass to Tyler Lockett to begin the fourth quarter and effectively end the “poopfest.”

Michael Bennett absolutely destroyed Jared Goff later on in the fourth with a merciless sack and did some Hingle McCringleberry twerking and got an obvious flag, which was well worth it. On the next play he clobbered Todd Gurley but apparently suffered a tough neck injury in the process — apparently he will be all right however.

Later on Richard Sherman knocked Jared Goff back to the locker room, Jon Ryan ran a hilarious fake punt then got smashed (he suffered a concussion but seems to also be all right), and that was that. The Rams, as the kids like to say, “got murked” as the Birds took the W and won the NFC West.

The result was as expected, since Seattle was at home and the Rams are, well, the Rams. Jeff Fisher tied for the most losses in NFL history at 165, so the LA management did him a favor and fired him before this game so they wouldn’t be in the record books. Smart move.

The Seahawks are at home against the Arizona Cardinals next Saturday, on Christmas eve. Hopefully someone scores a touchdown and it ends with a winner. Oh and hey, if you’re still slacking and haven’t bought those Christmas gifts yet, better get on that. Happy Holidays and go ‘Hawks.