Sexy Food: Hamburger Porn 101

Grilling patties has never been such a turn-on!

There is nothing sexier than a classic hamburger eaten in the heat of a sultry summer evening. When the juices from the burger run down your chin, your tanned, Spanish lover licks them off, slowly, languidly. He starts at your neck and very gently works his way up your sweet, salty skin until he reaches your lips. He discards the long spatula he’s using to flip the burgers and laces his fingers behind your back. You put the last bite of soft potato bun and melted cheese into your mouth to fortify yourself for what’s to come.

As you chew, he whispers in your ear the places he’d like to drip the liquid from the bursting beefsteak tomatoes, only so he can lap them off your trembling stomach. And lower. Then you both close your eyes and begin to tease each other with eager tongues.

Suddenly, it’s hot. Your bikini feels like a wool sweater and his board shorts are much too thick. You claw at them, willing the elastic to give way so you can feel what lies beneath. Except it is not lying down.

He scoops you up in his muscled arms and perches you haphazardly on the kitchen counter, condiments flying everywhere. A droplet of ketchup lands on your toe and it does not go unnoticed by your lover. He kisses it off, then works his way up your legs with his steamy breath.

He clenches the strings that hold your bikini bottoms together in his teeth and pulls. They fall to the floor, right next to his shorts. The griddle is still sizzling but it’s not nearly as hot as the explosion that happens when he enters you with one fluid motion. You abandon yourself to him, toes curling, back arching, and he rises admirably to the challenge.

He pulls you to the edge of the counter just as he brings you over the edge of what you can handle. You cling to him, your body convulsing against his. In the throes of ecstasy, you’ve both shuddered to the floor in one sticky, happy pool of love. When you can finally open your eyes and move without trembling, you realize you are once again ravenous.

He lifts you to your feet with the ease of a fireman pulling a kitten to safety, and then he finds his spatula just peeking out from under your discarded bikini. You go to the fridge and open ice-cold beers. He puts two fat patties on the griddle and you both salivate in anticipation of yet another perfect burger. Naturally, you leave your clothes where they lie. Round two is yet to come, after all.

If you want to try the hamburgers that inspired this Hot August Vignette, the recipe is here. It took one year of vigilant trial and error to get them just right, but now, they truly, without exaggeration, bring all the boys to the yard. And the girls, if that’s your thing.