The world’s surliest cat talks Scotch, social media, and world domination.
The world was introduced to Colonel Meow last fall, following a breakout feature on The Daily What. The ornery feline has since appeared on Anderson Live (alongside his owner, long-time Seattle resident Anne Marie Avey), and has been profiled extensively on The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, and Reddit. He has even amassed a cavalcade of devoted fans (known unaffectionately as ‘minions’) via Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. But the Colonel’s new-found fame has only intensified the smoldering disdain he feels toward literally everything but himself, Scotch whisky, cat treats (aka, ‘treaties’), and unapologetic profanity. And although he’s traded the Pacific Northwest for sunny Los Angeles, he wants Seattleites to know they’re still “at the top of his s–t list”. His words, not mine.
Let’s start with a softball question — is there a special someone in your life?
Besides myself? What’s the point?
What can you tell us about your breed, the Himalayan Persian?
That’s it’s superior to any other of its kind. And I am not just a ‘breed’. I am a mix of a number of things. Chuck Norris, storm clouds, Sriracha, and glow-in-the-dark technology are just a few things found in my blood. There are very few of us out there. And I intend to keep it that way.
You’re arguably the one of the most famous cats in U.S. history. What are your first impressions of nationwide celebrity?
Celebrities are for the weak and feeble-minded. I am not a celebrity. I am a leader first, a lover of women second, and damn good Gears of War player third.
Were you a big ‘social media buff’ prior to the creation of your Facebook fan page?
F— no. The page was created solely for the purpose of gaining more minions. Minions = power. Make a note to write that down. The genius comes in spurts.
In just a few months, you’ve gained more than 200,000 ‘minions’ on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. What advice do you have for those who want to succeed in the webosphere?
Do what you love and the rest shall follow. I love dominating the world and drinking Scotch. Both come really easily to me.
What are some of the craziest stunts your minions have pulled so far?
I had one minion get a tattoo of my face and put it on his chest. If that’s not loyalty, I don’t know what is.
You often mention your love of Scotch whisky. What’s your favorite Scotch label? Or are you one of those ‘any bottle will do’ types?
I prefer Johnny Walker Black. Any other type of Scotch will suffice. But my pride and soul has, and always will be, Black.
Free association time; I’m going to say the name of an animal species, and you tell me the first word that comes to mind. Dog.
Diseased, psychopath piece of s–t.
You recently left your hometown of Seattle for the bright lights of Los Angeles. What are some of your favorite memories of the Emerald City?
I loved looking out the window as it rained and watching how miserable everyone was. Always warms my heart.
Since cats are nocturnal, what can you tell us about L.A. nightlife?
My L.A. nights consist of me working and devising plans to conquer more minions. In order to do that I drink Scotch, light a candle, listen to Bach, and imagine myself on top of a throne. So far, it’s working.
You recently appeared in a commercial for the Samsung Galaxy alongside Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne. What advantages does this smartphone have over, say, the iPhone, Android, or other competing models?
I don’t give a s–t what phone you have. Just f—ing switch.
If someone approached you with a script for the remake of Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey, what would you do?
Scratch their face off. I’m a f—ing original and demand a f—ing original script. Picture this: Game of Thrones meets Milo and Otis, meets Die Hard: With a Vengeance, meets The Walking Dead, meets Animal House. Again, the genius inside me is unstoppable.
Just for a moment, let’s talk about your plans to take over the world. What are some changes you’d like to make once you’re in charge?
I’m not going to be an elected official, Brad. I’m going to TAKE OVER THE WORLD. So my plans are irrelevant. You’ll just have to f—ing do what I f—ing say. Which is probably somewhere along of the lines of feeding me treaties constantly and making sure the alcohol cupboard is stocked at all times. Go with it.
Any upcoming contests your minions should know about?
We are having an art contest. I want to decorate my cat castle with more pictures of, well, the greatest muse of all time — me. If you send in your artwork, I would not only take a picture with it, but it COULD hang in my cat castle where it would get photographed weekly. But the artwork has to involve myself in some way. Go to my official website for more details. I assume you will be participating, Brad. Do not fail me.
Of course. What are the various ways people can keep up with Col. Meow?
Any appearances, events, promotions, or other happenings that Col. Meow fans should know about?
Yes. But unfortunately I cannot discuss the details. I will say there will be some meet and greets this summer, and details will follow. Keep an eye out. ]:<