Breaking up is hard to do – but when lobster is involved?

Dearest Salmon,

I know I haven’t written in a while, and I’m sorry about that. I know you’re off doing your thing, spawning and all that, and that’s great, it’s just things here in Seattle are…different.

To be honest, I met someone, and I’ve fallen in love. She’s big, red, from Maine and has her claws wrapped around my heart. She’s really good in the kitchen too.

You deserve the truth, so I guess I should start at the beginning: